I started my dialysis treatment on September 2003 and has been through it for almost seven years now. I have experienced so many things all that time, have seen fellow patients come and go , but still I’m at it up until now. A friend once asked me if I ever get tired of dialysis? Of course I do. But for someone who’s been through a lot and fought all the way, succumbing to weariness is never an option.
If you’re wondering if I ever experienced depression, well the answer is yes, I did. I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Failure at 26 and for someone who’s merely starting to make something of his life, the reality of my predicament is just too much to handle. I guess anybody, under the same circumstances, would feel the impact and would think about what tomorrow might bring. In fact, almost any patient (not just with kidney failure) would go through some form of depression or another. Maybe it’s simply human nature to ask the “Why’s” whenever we’re faced with life-changing events.
I did go through a state of depression while I was still at the early stages of my treatment. I still go through it now from time to time. The only difference I made is that I never let it show, not if I can help it. Depression, for me, is a mind set. The more you think about it, the more you would feel it’s effect on your life. I’m not saying that I’m numbing myself from all the pain and the weariness. All I’m implying is that when depression sets in, it’s still your choice whether to fight that feeling or simply succumb to it and allow it to conquer you instead.
I’m still here, fighting as best I can and looking forward to win an uphill battle someday. Need I say more that I chose the former? That I never allowed depression to take the most out of life, eve through the most wearying times of my treatment? They say that I’m an optimist and I tend to look on the brighter side of life. That I am. Why wouldn’t I? I’m already living on the side of life where darkness just looms beyond the horizon. Believe me, I wouldn’t deprive myself the pleasure of looking on the bright side.
I hope you would too.